Chapter 1.7 – Confessions Part 2

Where had we been taken, you ask? Well, since we couldn’t live alone, the police officer had found our only living relative. My dad’s old aunt. Miss Selway owned a house in the empty part of Twinbrook. I always felt the building was beyond scary, probably haunted.

Alice and I now lived in a room containing only a bed and a chair. With the wallpaper practically peeling of the walls.

Miss Selway was quite a strange woman. After two days of just lying in bed I still hadn’t seen her. Alice promised me she was awful. The first time I manged to get down to breakfast on my own I was shipped to school without so much as a word from the cold and distant woman.

At first we didn’t even hear her talk, but after we had lived there for a while she  started to creep out of her shell. I wish she hadn’t though.

She would make us work every hour of that day that wasn’t already taken by school. We never got to do our homework, something always seemed to be broken or dirty, and she still expected us to have top grades. Our meals were a slice of bread or a bowl of oatmeal, while she stuffed her face with the most delicious and exotic food. Our cotton dresses were basically all we owned and  didn’t change it until the length crossed the school’s dress code.

But I could have lived with this. None of it was unbearable, and I didn’t mind doing some housework. The worst part was yet to come…

 It started about half a year after the accident, she started screaming to us, and hitting when we did something she disapproved of. One day I was forced to turn my shirt in-side-out because she had beaten me to blood right before the school bus came.

I went the whole day with my shirt turned, while everyone laughed at me. Even the teachers had to hide their smiles as I sat in class, but it was a whole lot better than the other option. Alice spent all of her power trying to  stop people from teasing me. She could have been thin air seeing how no one bothered to listen to her.

We kept each other strong, and when two years had passed we had finally found a nearly peaceful coexistent with our new legal guardian.

Until one day, after five years, Alice found a door that left her more exited than she had been in a long time. We weren’t really allowed to wander around on the upper floor, but Alice had accidentally gone up to find an old book Miss Selway had asked about. The door hadn’t been locked she said, but she hadn’t dared enter alone.

“Come on!”                                                                                                                           “ We’re going to get in trouble.”                                                                                           “Don’t be such a baby.”                                                                                                      “I’m serious. She’s going to kill us!”                                                                                    “Oh, please.”

She turned the doorknob, and the door gave away. Unfortunately, I managed to step on a loose floorboard.

“Hush, you’re going to get us caught!” she whispered frantically.

I stayed behind, letting her go first, into the darkness of the unknown. Her eyes widened with disbelief, but what it was she saw she would never tell me. Footsteps were coming up the stairs, and the blood froze to ice in our veins.

“What do you two think you are doing?!”                                                                           “ Nothing. I swear miss Selway!”                                                                                        “You are lying, you filthy girl!”

I watched in horror as the old lady closed in on us, and dragged Alice in to another room. My mind register the sound of screaming and yelling, but it all feels too distant. My sister’s face swam in front of me. A sickening thud, and I turned towards the sight, a sight I would never forget.

Poor Alice lay in bed forever after the incident. She must have broken something, besides her life spirit, because she couldn’t cross the hall to the bathroom without help and a lot of pain. She was pale for the first time in her life, as pale as the sheets and had nightmares every night.

I sat in the chair by her side whenever I could escape Miss Selway’s hawk eyes; just like she had done for me. Alice didn’t talk anymore, I tried my best, but not a word left her mouth. I’m not sure if it was because of the pain or the shock. So, I kept sitting, watching toss and turn around in the bed , sweat pouring down her face and a frown heavily etched between  her eyebrows.

Not even on our birthday did I get so much as a “Happy birthday!” in return.

Finally, one night I had gone to bed thinking she was asleep, she found my hand under the sheets and held on to it like I might disappear from her grasp.                                    “Aria, are you awake?”                                                                                                       “Yes. How are you?”                                                                                                          “I think it’s getting better,” she said, with a tone of consideration.                                      “That’s great, Alice! I was so worried about you.”                                                              ” I know you sat by me for hours. Thank you.”                                                                   “You did the same for me,” I said, squeezing her hand lightly. “That’s what sisters do.”

We were quiet for a while and I drifted of to sleep, but Alice woke me up one last time.   “Aria?”                                                                                                                                “Mmm,” was all I could say.                                                                                                “You were always the strong one, you still are. Without you I’m not sure I would have made it. Don’t forget that okay?”                                                                                        “Okay…”                                                                                                                             “I love you, little sister.” But I was already asleep.

When I woke up the next day Alice’s side of the bed looked like it had never been touched and she was nowhere to be seen. At first I thought she must have gotten better and already headed downstairs for some breakfast. But she was neither in the kitchen nor the livingroom.

I stupidly asked the devil herself if she had seen Alice, but she laughed straight in to my face.

Desperate as I was I asked again hoping for a serious answer this time. She looked at me with her cold, blue eyes and a burning pain seared across my face as her hand connected with my cheek.

“Don’t ask that ever again!” she barked. “You’re little friend is gone, for good I hope.”

After that Alice became a banned word at the house. Just uttering it earned a slap across the face. The only thing that kept me going was the notion that wherever Alice might be it had to be a lot safer than here.

But why did she leave without me?

You’re too weak. She wouldn’t have made it anywhere with you hanging behind.

So the years passed like they had since we came, and I had started an after school job to earn some money. Miss Selway did of course collect my payment at the end of the week, but she had no idea that I was actually paid extra in the weekends.

My eighteenth birthday came and went like the others had without presents or cakes. And I was thrown out on the street by Selway.

“You need to take care of yourself from now on,” she’d said. “I did you a kindness when I took you in as a child, but I am tired of having a leech like you around the house.”

So I left without any other money than what I had earned in the weekends these last three years and the small inheritance my parents had left me. I still looked forward to escaping what had been my prison for eight years.

Once again silence nestled in the laundromat. I expected Brad to say something, but he stayed as silent as he had done the first time.

“I’m sorry,” I started. “I shouldn’t have told you all of that, but there is no one else who knows, and I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer.”

“No, I’m not sorry at all. Actually I’m really glad you told me, so don’t worry about it,” he assured me and taking my hand. “But I think we should probably get going. Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

“So you didn’t tell,…Christian doesn’t know about it?”

“No,” I sighed. “He never asked, or seem even remotely interested. I’m not sure I would have told him if he wanted, but…”

He parked outside the house and followed me out as I left the car.

“Thank you for driving me home Brad. And for being such a good listener.”

“Anytime,” he smiled. “And I’m serious about that. Just give me a call and I’ll be here before you’ve had time to hang up.”

“What about tomorrow?” I asked, ignoring the flaming of my cheeks. “Dinner, maybe?”

He stood looking at silently at me for so long I was afraid he might not answer at all. But then a wide grin spread across his face. “Absolutely.”

Chapter 1.7 – Confessions Part 1

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are grey

You’ll never know dear

How much I love you

Please don’t take

My Sunshine

Away

***

“Aria? Are you okay? Hey, Aria?!”

 “Are you okay?” he repeated. The dark, calming voice pulled me back to reality. I slowly pushed myself up from the corner and tried brushing away some dust I had gotten on my skirt.

“I’m fine,” I said, with more dignity than I’d thought was left in me.

“I heard you from over there,” he said in a concerned voice. “Are you hurt?”

I managed to get back on my feet and meet my interrupter. He seemed familiar somehow, but my sight was clouded by the tears hanging in my eyelashes.

“No, I’m fine,” I repeated, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.

“Here, sit down. Should I get you some water?” He led me to one of the many chairs, and turned towards the bathrooms.

 “No need,” I said. It must have been his calming, brown eyes and reassuring voice, because my heart started beating frantically with the thought of him leaving me alone; even if it was only for a minute.

He nodded understandingly, and didn’t pull away when I feel into his arms and cried out the last tears I had left in me. When I pulled away I noticed how I had left a wet spot on his jacket. “Don’t worry about it.” He said when I tried to apologize.

“Thank you,” I said, my voice hitching at the end. He was so sweet to let a complete stranger mess up his jacket with tears. Wait! He’d said my name, how did he know me? “Do we know each other from somewhere, since you seemed to know my name?” I asked.

He smiled, relived that I was on my way back to sanity. “I used to work with Christian,” he made a grimace. “Before he turned into an accomplished author. And I remember seeing you around the shop sometimes.”

“Yeah, I know who you are. Brad, right?” My smile contained only a hint of pride as I found the name stashed somewhere in the back of my head.

“Yep, and you’re Aria.” he said pointing teasingly at me, saying the words slowly, like he tought I might be a small child, and winked. “Christian’s girlfriend.”

“You’re right about that first bit. But I’m not Christians anything.”

“Oh,” he didn’t seem too surprised. “I always wondered how a dry snob like him found such a beautiful girlfriend.”

“Jeez, do you say that to every girl you find crying in the laundromat?”

“You know, it must be my incredible charm, because you’re the third girl I’ve found here this week,” he said, faking a look of pure perplexity. It felt good to laugh again, I thought, as I sat down in one of the chairs right next to us.

“So, how did you end up here then?” he asked, frowning.

“It’s a long and boring story. That frankly does not put me in the best light.”

“Time is not a problem, and you know what they say about sharing problems, right.”

With a stroke of madness I told an almost stranger all about my empty field, Christian and my shameless boss. He didn’t interrupt or comment. And when my words dried up and the story came to an end he took a deep breath and asked the only question I wasn’t prepared for. “Why did you come to Hidden Springs, Aria?”

I didn’t think about it, I just threw myself into a story that had haunted ,me every hour of the day, as well as the night.

It all started in a place called Sunset Valley. I have never been there myself, but I’ve heard the most incredible stories of the town’s beauty. In this dreamlike haven there lived a young woman named Annie Fields, she was the heart and soul of the town. Since the day she had been born every person who saw her had been instantly smitten by her youthful joy in life, her golden hair and deep, ocean blue eyes.

It was no wonder that as she grew up she was surrounded by admirers. But never having been the girl who was blinded by the size of one’s wallet, fame or power, she turned them all down; both handsome and rich men.

In the end she gave her heart to a simple boy, with the name of Richard Velvet, from a sombre town called Twinbrooks. Lost in love, they both left the sunny hills of Sunset Valley to the dark woods of Twinbrook.

They bought a house in the quiet suburbs of Twinbrook, and were soon both married and on the verge of becoming parents.

They had a girl: me. I had inherited my fathers dark hair, purple-like eyes and fragile skin, not to mention health. Like my dad I prefered the indoors, where I could  read my books without any interruptions, and get lost in the never ending worlds of fantasy and miracles.

But I was not the only child of Annie and Richard Velvet. The same day that I came to the world, another child joined the family as well.

Her name was Alice, and was, as you’ve probably already guessed, my twin sister. Except for the dark hair, she was the spitting image of our mother. And she was the pride of the family. With big, blue eyes and a tinkling laugh, she would spend her days talking and playing with any person that could find the time. Alice had the world wrapped around her little finger.

For ten years we lived the typical family life. Alice and mom would be the town’s social butterflies, while dad and I would sit at home with a good book, and live a life filled with mysteries, castles and magic, without even having to leave the house.

But every Sunday we all gathered in the garden to spend some family time together. Sometimes mom and dad would take us girls to places outside town, like the zoo, museums or amusement parks, other days we would just stay at home and enjoy the silent fog that seemed to constantly wrap itself around the hills like a blanket.

One day our parents decided to buy some candy for our family evening and had left us to play for a while. We played for hours but they never came back. I was staring to get really worried, but Alice assured me there was no reason to panic. “They’re probably just stuck in traffic, Aria. It’s starting to get kinda’ late, we should go to bed.”

Even when the sun had risen the next day, they were not back yet. Alice had to make our school lunches, because my fragile heart didn’t deal with problems too well. She made me eat something before the bus came, but we were interrupted by a knock on the door. We both ran towards the door, hoping desperately that our parents might just have forgotten the time, and was back. (We were only ten, and the thought seemed possible at the time. It had too…)

His name was Edward Thomsen and was wearing a very crisp, white coat which reminded me of hospitals, even though I admittedly hadn’t been to one, ever. He entered the livingroom with a police woman at his heels. She looked nice, and sent us both a careful smile.

“Aria and Alice Velvet?” the doctor asked.

“That’s us, yes,” Alice said, weary of the two strangers in our house.

“I’m afraid there has been an unfortunate accident,” he took a deep breath before continuing in a soft voice. “Involving your parents.”

I’m pretty sure I squeezed the life out of Alice’s hand as the doctor and the police officer told us how a car had come straight against dad’s car; in the wrong direction, and dad had tried to manuever away from what was sure to be deadly collision. The car had hit the railing of the bridge and fallen into the river with both of our parents inside.

 Condolences were said and other meaningless words were exchanged, but my head couldn’t register any of it. The voices were fading as my grip on Alice and consciousness slipped. The last I could hear was I cry so desperate and wounded that i the last seconds I thought someone was torturing an animal, but it was my cry, and my tears.

The next thing I knew I was waking up in a very uncomfortable bed of iron and some awful covers. Alice was sitting by my side, as always, looking worried.

“Hi,” I said, my voice was groggy.

“Hi,” the frown on her face disappeared and was replaced by a comforting smile. She looked tired, with dark circles underneath her eyes. I felt the shame wash over me as I sat upright in bed.

“I’m sorry Alice,” I said almost crying. But I didn’t think I had a tear left in me.

“For what?”

“For just falling apart like that. I shouldn’t have reacted that way, and left you all by yourself. I might not be as strong as you, but I should have been stronger than that.”

“Don’t say that!” Alice said, tears welling up in her eyes. “You don’t have to feel sorry for anything, little sister. I’ll watch over you until the day I die. So, don’t worry about it, okay?”

 And then the world slipped away again. Sleep got the better of me and my dreams were filled with Sundays and the memories of a happy family.

Chapter 1.6 – A makeover for broken hearts

***

Today I walked past the coffee machine; heading straight for the heavy stuff…

 …orange-and-lemon sorbet.

The air that filled the house today was so very different from yesterday. There was no tension, no uncomfortable silence; only the sound of my depressed ice-cream eating.

Or at least it was, until my phone rang, and scared the spoon out of my hand.

“I heard,” the voice said the second I answered. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“There’s not much to talk about,” I sighed. “He said it wasn’t supposed to be like this, you know.”

It was getting hard for me to hold back the tears.

“What are you doing right now?” Laila asked mercilessly.

I looked at the ice-cream, and felt a tug of shame, even though she couldn’t see the evidence.

“Nothing in particular,” I answered a little too nonchalantly.

 “Tell me you are not eating cookie dough,” she warned.

“I’m not! …It’s ice-cream.”

“I’m coming over right now, and you better lay down that spoon immediately.”

—

The second Laila had gotten in the door I slung my arms around her neck, crying helplessly into her shoulder. Looking back on it I don’t really see why I felt so bad about loosing someone like Christian at all, but then it seemed like I had shattered into a million pieces.

“Oh, honey. You can do so much better than him.”

“I know, I just…” I tried stifling my hiccups, and dry away the treacherous tears.

“Okay, I’ve got an idea. I’m not letting you waste away like this,” she said suddenly heading for the door. Then turning towards me, to find me standing in only my underwear and with red, puffy eyes. “But first you better go and clean yourself up, because you can’t go anywhere looking like that.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Laila.”

“Yes you are,” she commanded, and practically dragged me in to the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me. “And you’re not coming out until you smell like a spring meadow and wear some descent clothes.”

I threw on my clothes and went to the bathroom. I let out a big sigh, heard Laila from the livingroom, and brushed my teeth in a hurry. All the while with a little knot in my stomach. There was no telling what Laila had planned for us, and I was getting very nervous …

“Aren’t you going to tell me where you’re taking me?” I asked looking at the road, all I could tell was that we were heading for the town.

“No,” and that is the only word she uttered the on the entire ride. Which I thought was quite an accomplishment for her, but I didn’t say it out loud.

“You have to be kidding with me!” I exclaimed as she parked the car outside Hard Candy Salon.

“I’m dead serious, Aria,” she said and walked up the stairs. I stood by the car for a few seconds before following her in, while mumbling in a grumpy voice;

“But it’s so …PINK.”

“Oh my god!” The voice came from a young woman behind a hot pink reception. “You were not exaggerating.”

Laila shook her head in exasperation. The girl in front of me was talking in a soft, excited tone, while examining my clothes from top to bottom.

“I know exactly what I’m going to do with her,” she said with a wide smile and pulled a little on my sweater. “We’re going to get rid of the turtleneck, the cargo pants and those horrible shoes!”

“This doesn’t sound good,” I whispered to Laila, completely panic striken. She was going to change me completely, and I hated changes. They made me way too insecure; especially if it was me who was changing.

“You’re going to be just fine,” Laila replied squeezing my hand.

“You’re going to be more than fine ,honey, you’ll be sexy!”

The woman’s name was Claire Waterfell and was a stylist at the salon. She was super excited to make me over and kept blocking out my feeble attempts to stop her. When she had said she would make me “sexy” it felt like someone had just ripped the carpet away from under me. The one thing that had never changed, or wavered, was the way I saw myself. I was not sexy, I was not pretty or particularly well dressed. Just plain Aria: nothing more, nothing less. But that was all about to change.

While I was practically being ripped apart by a very enthusiastic and chatty Claire, Laila had withdrawn to a quiet corner and her book. She was only interested when I came stumbling in to her.

It wasn’t as bad as I had expected, at least until I tried walking in it. My skirt was sliding up my thighs and the heels were ridiculously high. I was already missing my old, comfortable boots.

I stumbled my way over to Laila. “What do you think?”

“You look great! I knew you had some beauty in there somewhere,” she winked. “Now it’s time the rest of the world sees it too.”

—

When I came to work the next day I walked hurriedly past Violett (the very unpleasant receptionist*) eager to escape her smirking glance. The elevator door was closing when I heard her snide comment.

“The new look suits you.”

*Chapter 1.1

The doors closed with excruciatingly slow speed. As I was lifted up two levels I felt the butterflies in my stomach turn into mutant-monsters-moths. Here we go…

Walking trough the second floor hallway was a terribly awkward affair. At least it was for me. people were peeking out of their doors and turning in the hallway just to sneak a peek at the mutant wobbling on her skyscraper heels. Had Violett set of an alarm or something? Because most of these people had never even looked twice at me, until today.

I tried my hardest not to make a sound as I opened the door to the office, but it was useless in the little cot of a room.  Without a word I sat myself down at the computer farthest away from the door. Even with my best attempt they all turned to look at me. Some in wide shock, others in plain disappointment. I could imagine how they were feeling, they probably thought I had succumbed to the shallowness of the business. And if I hadn’t already had a searing feeling behind my eyelids, I was now definitely on the verge of crying.

 Luckily it didn’t take long before they turned back to their work. but I was still having a hard time not tumbling down to the floor in a small, very unsexy puddle. What had I been thinking? That this would impress Christian, when he wasn’t even in town to see how ridicules I looked? To let everyone know that I didn’t miss him, when he filled my every waking thought? I was falling deeper and deeper into my own pool of devastation, when someone knocked at the door.

“The boss would like to talk to you, Aria,” she said in her usual despicable voice.

“So,” I said tentatively. “What did he want?”

The boss never called in anyone from this floor. He had some lower employees who did the dirty work for him.

“How should I know?” she snapped. But I didn’t quite belive her.

  As the elevator doors opened I couldn’t help but gasp at the sight. The tenth floor did not even resemble the second floor. The floor was covered in a rich, deep red carpet. The walls looked expensively decorated and some plants were sat around in the hall, giving it a personal look.

Two big doors with iron ivy on the glass led into a very luxurious office; the boss’s office. Violett knocked on the door, and we were allowed entrance by a dark, hoarse voice.

“Ah, miss Bridge,” the balding man behind the computer said delighted. “You brought miss…”

“Aria Velvet, sir,” she hurried to say.

“Yes, thank you.” There was a moment’s silence. “You may leave us miss Bridge.”

Violette shuffled of, with a distinct red hint to her cheeks. I was left alone in the lion’s den.

He got up from his chair and stood by his desk, eyeing me for a minute before saying something.

“Miss Aria Velvet. Not married, eh?” he said, seeming genuinely interested. I confirmed that I was not married. “Any boyfriend then, miss Velvet?”

I wasn’t sure where this was going, and I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. He was still my boss and the authority filling his every cell made me answer. “No boyfriend, sir.”

“You see, I like to get to know my employees,” he said coming closer. Sure you do, especially if they use skirts, I thought.

Mr. Alto stopped and smiled. “Why haven’t I seen you around?”

“Probably because I have been stewed inside the interns office since last year,” I said suddenly remembering who I was talking to and that I had just earned to get fired.

But Mr. Alto threw his head back roaring with laughter.

“Yes, that might be it,” he said wiping an imaginary tear from the corner of his eye. This performance seemed a little overdone, but I laughed politely with him as best as I could.

“Let’s be serious, shall we?” he said positively beaming. “I called you in because an open spot just came up in level five and I thought you would be the perfects person for it.

 “Really?” I exclaimed. After a whole year with reading e-mails, delivering coffee and opening mail I was finally getting the long-expected promotion.

“Yes, really,” he said. “But there are some conditions you have to agree with, like…”

I was standing there like a puppet without anyone pulling the strings. While words were coming out of his mouth, I just stood there nodding and smiling so widely it hurt.

I got my own office! It wasn’t big, or well furnished, but I never expected it either. The few belongings I had in my old office and locker, fit perfectly into a basket I borrowed from a guy at the copy-room.

I sat down in my chair, giving it a spin and laughing like a child. I stopped to admire my view. I had a view!

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” she said. I hadn’t noticed her. “But it all comes with a price.”

I got up from my chair, and took a few steps towards her.

“What do you mean? More work, longer hours; because it all seems worth this,” I said gesturing to everything around me.

“I assure you, this is not a price you want to pay.” Then she added, “but if you do, you’re not the person I thought you were.”

With that she was gone as fast as she had come. And I was left with a million questions, one of them were: Did she pay the price?

The next day, right after I got to work and placed my butt in the chair, he appeared in my office.

“So, do you like your new office?” he asked looking around. ” I see you’ve already made yourself at home. That’s great.”

I smiled, looking at the picture I had brought from home, and hung up on the empty wall.

“I was just stopping by to see how things were going, and to ask you when I should pick you up tonight?” he said it with such an everyday-tone that I didn’t realise what he had said at first.

“Pick me up, sir?” I’m afraid I don’t understand,” I felt totally stupid.

“For dinner, miss Aria,” he explained, but had also started to look a bit insecure himself. “You agreed to go out yesterday, remember?”

“I did?” Oh God, earth just swallow me now!

“It was one of the conditions for the job, didn’t you listen?”

The truth was that I had not listened to him at all. And if I had i would probably have smacked him down right there and then. But I had already agreed to take the job, I sure knew how to make a mess.

“Is eight o’ clock okay? I’m out with Sierra from level four, until seven, but I have cleared my schedule after that.”

So not only did he push me into going out with him, but he was doing the exact same thing to other woman here as well. I felt the shame well up in me as I realised how stupid and blind I had been. Luckily the stupidity was not long lived and I gave him a piece of my mind.

“Listen to me, Mr. Alto. I don’t know what kind of twisted game you think you are playing with innocent woman, but I’m not about to be the next piece in your collection!”

As my words sank in, his face turned in to a look of rage. “You already have,” he spat. “By taking on that outfit.”

My face must have shown the shock that was tearing in me from the inside, because he took the liberty to explain between clenched teeth. “You didn’t think you got the job because of your coffee-making skills, did you?”

“I think I’ll leave, sir, right now.”

As I ran down the hallway I could hear him calling after me.

“You’re making the biggest mistake of your life,” he yelled. “Do you want to end up like an intern forever or worse; a receptionist?”

The elevator doors closed and I drew a relived breath. So, Violett did not pay the price.

I ignored her pitying glance as I crossed the lobby. I didn’t want it, and I didn’t need it. When I had reached the street I stopped, where was I going? The house made my skin crawl, it was no longer a home to seek safety in. And then it hit me.

The only place I could think of was the laundry mat right across the street. Occasionally I would drop of some baskets of laundry, but it had been a while since last. There were washing machines and driers enough for the whole town. Since it was about nine in the morning, there was no one else there.

I found a perfect spot in the corner and tumbled down on my knees, bawling my eyes out. Not because of that slime ball of a boss, I’m not even sure it was about Christian. I cried for mom, dad and for Alice.  And then there was the little part that cried for me. How did I end up here? When did I end up as a person I’m not; a person I could not feel any pity or respect for? Everything that had filled my head like dark clouds since the day I heard the door bell, all those years ago; when my life changed, when I changed.

* The Hardcandy Salon and the landromat are both Berry’s creations, which you can find more of here.  Or check out her legacy here.